Thursday, November 24, 2011 @ 6:00:00 PM
"Do you ever get that feeling where you don't want to talk to anybody? You don't want to smile and you don't want to fake being happy. But at the same time you don't know exactly what's wrong either. There isn't a way to explain it to someone who doesn't already understand"
Labels: from tumblr, quotesxoxo,
Sunday, November 20, 2011 @ 10:56:00 AM
The First Mosquito
Long time ago, there was a poor farmer with his beautiful wife. The farmer always worked very hard but his wife never even cared about their household. They lived in a small house like any other farmer's house. His beautiful wife didn't feel satisfied with their poor condition. She thought, his husband supposed to work harder so she could take care of her beauty. To grant her wish, the farmer work even harder. But, no matter how hard he has worked, he still couldn't grant his wife's wish. Besides asking for beauty medicine to keep her beauty, she also asked for expensive clothes.
"How can I look beautiful if I wear ugly clothes?" she said.
Because she had too much attention and thoughts about her beauty, she forgot to take care of her health. She felt ill. The illness got worse and worse each day, and she died. Her husband was really sad. Everyday he cried because of his wife's body that lied in front of him with no power, with no life. Because he didn't want to lose his wife, he didn't burry her body. He still wanted to revive her soul. He wanted to make her come back to the world. To make her alive.
The next day, the poor husband sold everything he had to buy a canoe. With a canoe, he brought his wife's body accross the lake to a place where Gods live. Gods will revive my wife, they will bring back my wife, he thought. Although he didn't know where exactly the place where the Gods lived, he had to keep paddling the canoe. One day, there was a thick fog and it blocked his view until his boat stucked. After the fog evaporated, he saw a really tall mountain that had it top crashed the cloud. Here's the place where the Gods live, he thought. Then he climbed the mountain while bringing his wife's body. And he met an old man
"You must be the God," the farmer was so sure. Then he told the old man why he came there. The old man smiled to him, and he said
"Really, you're a good husband. But what's the point of bringing back your wife?"
"She means everything to me. She's the one who makes me excited for my life. So please, bring her back" the farmer begged him once again. The old man nodded.
"Okay then, I'll grant your wish. To reward your kindness and your hardwork, I'll let you know how to bring back your wife. Prick your finger tip, splash three drops of your blood to her mouth, and she'll back to her life. If she do anything bad, remind her that she lives from 3 splashes of your blood". The farmer did what the old man said and he was right, she came back. She was alive, again. Without thinking any longer, the happy husband brought his wife back. But then the wife realized. With that canoe they used, her husband had nothing. So how could she take care of her beauty?
One day, they arrived in a crowded harbour. The farmer went to the market to find food for their journey, and left his wife for a while. There was a big great ship owned by wealthy merchants. Amazed by the beauty of the farmer's wife, the wealthy merchants asked her to go with him.
"If you go with me, I'll give you anything you ask," he said to her. She was really seduced. So she went with him.
Back from the market, the farmer was so shocked that his wife was gone. He went everywhere to find her but it was nothing. She was nowhere.
A year later, he met her wife. But she refused to live with him again. The farmer suddenly remembered of what the God had told him,
"Really, you never know how to thank me. Just you you know, you came back to this world because you drank 3 splashes of my blood" he said to his wife.
His wife laughed and mocked him.
"So now I need to give your 3 splashes blood back, don't I? Okay then...."
She pricked one of her finger trip by meaning to give it back to her husband. But, after the third splashes of her blood, her face suddenly became pale, her body was so weak and weaker and then she felt to the ground. Died.
After died, she transfigured to a mosquito. Then, for the rest of her night, the mosquito who used to be a beautiful woman, tried so hard everywhere, sucking people's blood just to be back to her original form. To become a beautiful woman.xoxo,
Saying sorry to myself
Thursday, November 17, 2011 @ 10:50:00 PM
"Lemes...... Selemeslemesnya.... Kenapa gue lebay banget kenapa sih"
Udah kebal pada dasarnya, udah kebiasa, used to it banget. Gara2 one simple little thing, gue jadi ngerasa salah. Gue jadi ngerasa selama ini gue udah ngerusak semuamuamuanya. Tiba2 jadi kepikiran kemana2. Anjir lebay. Jijik sama diri gua sendiri. KENAPA SIH? Gaktau apa karena gue lagi pms atau gimana tapi jujur aja tiba2 ini beda. Rasanya beda aja gitu. Sakitnya, lemesnya, sampe ke semua badan. I feel numb. Gabisa ngerasain apa2 selain 'rasa ini'. Lebay emang TAPI GUE JUGA BINGUNG KENAPA."Things That Need To Stop : Myself being so selfish and stupid that causing hurt even more."
Bukan salah lo, bukan. Salah gue semuanya. Kenapa gue harus egois dan begooo banget. Saking egoisnya sama 1 hal gue sampe gak mikirin..another part of me."Congratulation! You've succesfully accomplished your biggest mission : Make me fall. And stop right there because everything's done"
Everything's done. Lagi2, atau apa karena gue lagi pms jadi gue gak mikir apa2 terus sekarang gue jadi asal bikin statement itu apa emang gue beneran mau. Dan selamat! Watching me as I fall because of your cleverness and my own stupidness . That's been the only thing you're waiting for this whooole whole time, isn't it? Udah kok. Sekali lagi selamat ya."Sometimes it's hurting, you know, holding on to nothing"
Pertanyaannya mungkin 'Apa gue baru sadar selama ini gue holding on to nothing?' jawabannya enggak, gue sadar. I was holding on to nothing so I thought, if I fall, I'll just fall into a flat surface that causes nothing. Tapi sekarang kenyataannya, I just fell into a deep black big hole with so much thorn. Jadi sekarang gue tersesat, kegelapan, gak tau harus ngapain, mau kemana, dan sakit. Sakit.
"Salah gue emang semuanya. Cara minta maaf sama diri sendiri itu gimana ya? Perasaan jd gaenak terus"
Lagi2, blaming myself. Serius, ini salah gue. Kenapa gitu, gue gabisa bilang. Disatu sisi diri gue nyesel banget, disatu sisi diri gue pengen marah2, disatu sisi diri gue mau minta maaf, disatu sisi diri gue cuma mau nangis aja.
"I'd do anything. I'd do anything just to stop this, to over it."
Please, God, I'm begging you.... I just want to stop hurting myself. And everyone."You have your own beautiful dreams and I do, too. It's just... 'I wish nothing but the best, for you, too'"
We both know we're having our own dreams. Dan gue janji, janji sama diri gue sendiri kalau gue gakmau ganggu mimpi lo. Lo seneng gue juga seneng. As simple as that. Cuma gue gamau datengin orang itu cuma pada saat lo butuhin atau cuma karena lo tau orang itu bakal SELALU ada buat lo.
You have no idea about what I'm talking now, don't you? Yap. Gue gak akan cerita apa maksudnya. Cuma mau ngeluarin unek2 aja karena jelas2 gue gak bisa cerita ke siapapun secara langsung. Temen paling deket pun. Because no one's ever on my side. Because all they ever see is the 'mean'me. Because no one's ever know the truth. Because no one's ever know the beginning of everything. And no one does care.xoxo,
Suka, Cinta, Sayang
Monday, November 14, 2011 @ 12:49:00 PM
“Ada rasa Suka, Cinta dan Sayang. Suka itu jika kau hanya mengagumi seseorang tapi tidak terlalu memikirkannya. Hanya sekedar suka. Cinta itu jauh di atas suka. Kau mencintainya, merasakan bahwa kau harus memilikinya dan selalu over protective terhadapnya. Dan sayang adalah dimana kau merasa sangat sangat membutuhkannya, kau mencintainya, tapi kau merelakannya demi kebahagiannya, tidak ada paksaan. Sayang jauh di atas cinta, merelakan orang yang kita cintai dengan ikhlas adalah rasa terbesar yang pernah ada. Sayang tidak berarti memiliki, tapi kita akan selalu terobsesi untuk membuat orang yang kita sayang itu merasa nyaman bersama kita. Kau pernah merasakannya? Aku pernah. Bagaimana denganmu?”
(Source: Fabraum Wolke
Yang ada dipikiran gue cuma satu = HA HA HA
Labels: quotes, sayingsxoxo,
Rumor Has It / Someone Like You by The Troubletones from 'Glee'
Saturday, November 12, 2011 @ 7:45:00 AM
I don't know but Santana's voice almost made me cry :(
Labels: song, tv show, videoxoxo,
I hate that feeling
Friday, November 11, 2011 @ 10:19:00 PM
"Have you ever had that feeling, where you don't exactly know how you feel? It's an indescribable feeling. You don't feel happy, you don't feel sad, you're not angry or even confused. Your emotions are just all jumbled up and you have that uneasy feeling in your stomach. All you do is wish that everything made sense, that you knew exactly what was happening to you. But the truth is you don't and it's slowly killing you inside. You know that feeling? I hate that feeling."
A Special Day In Every Month
Wednesday, November 09, 2011 @ 12:47:00 PM
There is this one day. This one special day in every month when I always feel like shit. I feel like I'm not happy OR I will never be happy in that day. I feel like I wanna throw anything, everything, just to feel better. I know, months ago, that this day will come. A day when my life has been succesfully ruined up. A day when my heart and my mind tell me to pretend harder. Eveeeeen harder. A day when I have to smile all day long just to show that "Hey you right there, look at me, I'm happy too, right here".
Everyday I never felt that hurt. Hurt that only happens in that day. That very same day in every month. I want to tell the truth but it will ruin everything. I want to stop pretending just for that day but it will be even worse. I want to through that day like any other day but I can't. I want to be this 'always-happy-me' like everyday but I can't. I want to stop being suddenly week for that day but I can't.
Feels like I'm automatically changing myself when I'm alone in that day. My mind is effed up. Suddenly everything is just a big whole epic mess. Nothing can fix myself in that day, when I'm alone. That's why I always look for someone who'd take me out in that day. That's why I always keep myself being busy in that day. I'd do anything just to make me happy, just to forget everything. But I don't wanna ruin anyone's life just because they've ruined mine. Note that!!!
even if i'm not, but i hope you're happy
Iya. Karena gue gak tau harus ngapain.
Monday, November 07, 2011 @ 10:29:00 PM
Tadi chat sama Amel. Gak tau kenapa tiba2 nyambung kesitu (which I couldn't tell)
Dia ngomong begitu (which I also couldn't tell). Gue dijudge secara tidak langsung lah sebenernya.
Gue gak ngerasa, tapi......... (iya)
Gue mau ngelak, tapi.......... (iya)
Gue mau jelasin, tapi........... (iya)
Gue mau ngeles, tapi........... (iya)
Gue ngerti banget secara tidak langsung juga, Amel ngelindungin gue. Gakmau gue sakit hati (lagi). Tapi gimana? Gimana caranya biar gue gak sakit hati lagi itu, gue sendiri masih belom figure out. But I never let thooooose (hurting) parts of my past haunting most parts of my present. I will never let it happens.
Pilihan gue sekarang cuma ada 2-> Jalanin kayak gini aja, atau backstabbing&dendam. Which explains: nyakitin diri gue sendiri, atau nyakitin orang lain. Diemin aja? Ahhh gak. Gak mempan. I've tried so many times but it was back to the first one. Ya gini aja jadinya.
Hard choices. Di satu sisi gue gak mungkin nyakitin diri gue sendiri, gue juga mau gue seneng, gue juga mau ngelindungin diri gue sendiri. Tapi di sisi yang lain, nyakitin orang lain & dendam itu gak boleh juga. Tapi gue juga tau. Gak ada pilihan lain. Itu dia kenapa Amel ngomong gitu ke gue. Jawabannya: "Karena gue gak tau harus ngapain"
@ 9:46:00 PM
You have noooooo idea seberapa gue nyeselnya, kejadian gue sehari2 dikelas 9, yang banyak banget, yang seru banget, yang unforgettable banget, itu gak ada yang gue post diblog. NOT ONE OF THEM! Nyesel. Nyesel. Saking sibuknya belajar, saking sibuknya have fun juga, sampe gak sempet ngurus blog. Truly regret. Truly regret.
Yeah, I feel like my 9th grade classmates are the beeeeeest classmates, ever! Not just classmates but all of them turn out to be my bestbestbestpal. My bestfriends. Dari awal2 masuk udah keliatan banget ini kelas bakal kompak.
Ehhhh taunya bener. Bener2 jadi temen cerita, curhat2an sampai kompor2an dikelas. Gak ada rahasia lagi. Didalem kelas sama diluar tuh beda. Dikelas lo bisa teriak teriak nyebut 'merek' sesuka lo, kalau diluar, keep your mouth shut. Serunya, emang pada tau keadaan dan gak ada yang bocor. I can count on them :)
Namanya juga unggulan 2, dibilang pinter banget juga enggak, bego banget juga enggak. Tapi rusuhnya iya. Jadi kita standard aja. Anak2nya juga gak yang kalau ada tugas ditelantarin. Mau pada main gitar atau ngegosip dikelas tapi tetep aja beres. Serunya, kalau ada tugas misalkan ngerjain halaman segini, terus gurunya keluar. Soalnya pilihan ganda. Kita semua ngerjain nah nanti beberapa menit kemudian kira-kira udah pada ngerjain sampai akhir, Bimo teriak "EEEEEH DIEM SEMUA DENGERIN" terus semua langsung diem. Bener-bener cuma ada suara Bimo yang lagi ngediktein hasil diskusi dia sama anak2 geng belakang. Kalau udah selesai diktein, kita2 yang gak diskusi bareng mereka tapi jawabannya beda, banyak tanya gitu. Jadi debat. "Ih kok jawaban gue *blablabla*" "Iya kan soalnya *blablabla*".
Diajak main juga bisa. Pulang sekolah tiba2 nyampe sini situ. Enak diajak main gitu, gampaaaaang banget. Gak banyak ribet banyak alesan banyak buaaacod. Basecamp juga ada banyak: Rumah Ovan, Gari sama Dodi persis dibelakang sekolah. Kalau ceweknya Eliza sama Selly, masih di Puspita juga. Tapi ya itu dia, namanya juga GEMBELewel (anyway, Lewel diambil dari anak kelas gue, Amalia Kartika Larasati yg dulu twitternya sempet @amelewel). Jadi kita kalau kemana-mana pastiiiiiiiii ke tempat2 Gembel. Beli ini itu ngirit. Gembel banget lah. Hina banget. Suka sedih gue.
Banyakkkk banget tempat tangkringan kita. Selain basecamp, paling ke... SS, CK, TJ, BSD Square, McD, ya gitu2 lah. Terus seru aja gitu, dulu kita baru awal semester udah ngadain BBQ-an dirumah Gari terus malemnya firework gitu di parkiran OP. Terus main bola di MS, jalan-jalan kesini situ. Too many to tell, too many to describe-_-
Dan yang gue suka juga, selera humor mereka semua. Lucu aja gitu. Mau gak ada yang lucu aja sebenernya diketawain juga. Dari yang cewek, yang cowok, pokoknya udah nyatu banget. Gak liat lo cewek, lo cowok, candaan lo sama aja: dihina.
Pas akhir2 mau kelulusan, kompaknya makin kerasa lagi. Nyari tempat buat bts paling seru. Ngakak aja gitu. Apalagi nyari tempat buat perpisahan........ HAHAHAHAHAHA LOL! Gaktau kenapa ini seru banget. Jadi kita-kita yang mengaku sebagai 'paniti
a perpisahan', ke anyer dianter kakaknya Acin. Survey villa dll. Seruuuuuuu banget yaampun. (AAAAH KANGEN). Terus foto bts, wisuda, perpisahan di anyer. TOO MUCH MEMORIES:'
Tapi ada juga yang bikin kecewa. Jadi angkatan gue, Felliosix, itu ada sejenis short movie gitu. Kejadian2 selama setahun ini mungkin. Rata2 kejadian seru dikelas2 gitu. Kecewa banget gak ada yang tentang Lewel satupun. SATUPUN! Paling cuma cuplikan apsi. Gak ada kegiatan apa2 dikelas yang sebenernya, kalau ada di video itu, gue yakin........ Bakal nangis nontonnya. Karena gak ada jadi ya.... Nonton video itu sedih sih, tapi gak bikin nangis. Kurang srek.
Ohiya btw, tadinya gue mau post foto2 jalan2 Lewel, kejadian2 dikelas dll, tapi kok kebanyakan ya setelah gue folderin-_- Jadinya foto ini aja deh:
Ini kado yang kita kasih ke wali kelas kita, Pak Mukrim. Sebenernya kalau mau dimasukin event2 yg terjadi selama setahun di Lewel ini....... terlalu banyak. Ini cuma kesimpulannya aja yang diprint dan diframe. Kalau mau liat foto2 Lewel, mending buka Facebook, liat foto2 di profile gue, Paramitha Nindya Hapsari (which is banyaaaaak banget disitu), Selly Parcelia, Fara Zalsabila & Maghfiraa Larasati :D
gue kangen sama kalian, Lewel. 1 tahun gak cukup, jujur aja. gue tau sekarang misah2 banget tapi jangan pada sombong2 plis. thank you for those amazing days we spent together in one yeat. i love all 35 of you, guys, really do:)
Labels: 92 classxoxo,
Thursday, November 03, 2011 @ 10:55:00 PM
Bored. Yes, I got bored. I've nooooooo idea why am I doing this. Why am I going here. Why am I posting on my blog right now. It crossed my mind-_-
Gak tau kenapa akhir-akhir ini malem-malem malah jadi kepikiran macem-macem. Segalaaaa rupa. Complicated. Ini itu, apalagi tentang sekolah. Hampir setiap malem pikiran gue cuma "Gimana caranya biar besok gak cepet-cepet dateng" dan ta-da, gue sengaja tidur hampir tengah malem (as you know, right now it's 11pm). Mau tidur cepet atau tidur lama, kalau setelan otak udah "Gue males sekolah" jadinya ya sama aja, gak mau bangun di paginya dan sekolah dihari besoknya jadi gak niat yakan? I guess whoever reading this must be agree with that statement. Tapi gue ada motivasi, gue suka mikirin temen-temen gue yang sekolah diluar, apalagi yang di sekolah negeri. Gue tau banget high-school-journey mereka lebih susah sesusah susahnya. Jadi gue suka mikir sendiri "Cupu lo Git, temen-temen lo yang sekolahnya lebih susah aja bisa masa lo enggak bisa gini doang?" So well, still trying as much as I can. Jujur aja gue gak muluk-muluk kayak orang lain yang butuh libur sebulan, dua bulan, atau apapun. Gue dikasih libur pun gak tau mau ngapain. Seriously. Wasting most of my time.
Solution: Sekolah kayak biasa tapi...... Gimana ya, gimana caranya biar kita sebagai murid gak merasa terbebani sama semuanya. I love school, I really do. Belajar disekolah yang bikin gue bisa meraih cita-cita gue, isn't it? Mau jadi dokter. Banget. #Curcol.
Jadi gue cuma mau......... Rest for a while especially resting my mind. Because school is not the only problems. This one. This other one I could never tell in my blog. Or maybe I could but I didn't want to. But I DO want to. Notice any differences between those sentences? Haha :Pxoxo,
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